I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
