This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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