If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
