You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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