is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
