just come out here and I will go home with you...
I skipped work to stalk him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
