Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
