I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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