I wish I only lived at night.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
