After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
