1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
