Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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