matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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