I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
