just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
