I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
