These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
