woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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