I didn't shave. On purpose
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
