They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize