Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
