Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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