I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
