Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
