If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The Olympian is in my bed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
