I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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