On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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