one two three fourrrrnication!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
