1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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