Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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