i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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