Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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