Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
