I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
