Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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