They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
