I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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