you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
