Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
