she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
