I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize