My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize