my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize