Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
