There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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