Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
