Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
