like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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