it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
