yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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