Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When are your genitals available?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
