can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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