Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
