I have demons in me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
