'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
