She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
