do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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