evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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