The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
