remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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