The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
