I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
